At sunset yesterday, the rain began, slightly more determined than a mist. The sun passed a space in the clouds, turning the west briefly to gold before fading to a dull orange. At the beach, facing east, we stood on soft sand in darkening water under solid-seeming clouds. We watched the rain streaking the skies as it fell above the horizon. Then, just as we were leaving, a small gap in the clouds appeared, revealing moonrise. Just a day past full, she reflected the sun’s fading rays, appearing almost made of brass. She lit the clouds around her and painted …
Category: dreaming out loud
Popped up to Santa Barbara last weekend. Happy congratulations to Fernando and Tracey on their newly-launched nuptial journey. And many thanks for the excuse to get out of town. Surprising how different things are 90 miles north: we actually saw stars glimmering in the night sky. Living in L.A. has made me forget that there could be anything in the sky other than the moon and airplanes. Now that we’ve agreed that we’re leaving L.A. and starting to have real momentum in that direction, it’s easier to see and acknowledge all the things about L.A. that drive me nuts. Like …
Realized Thursday that neither Ian nor myself had left the house in about three or four days. I’m not sure which is more disturbing: that we have been so reclusive or that the thing we found to get us out of the house was to take the recycling to the recycling center. I think it is L.A.’s fault. The heat here is oppressive this time of year, and even simply sitting still and trying to think is sweat-inducing. It’s impossible to tell whether or not the small breeze is a natural phenomenon or just the results of all the cars …
Have been working a bit too hard lately. Hands are hurting again. Took yesterday off and didn’t even turn on my computer. Planning on taking it easy today. Probably just going to write some e-mail and do my best to do everything with ViaVoice. The other problem with working too hard: none of my own projects get any attention. I’m full of fantastic reasons and plans to reprioritize but seem to be suffering from a knowing/doing gap. I know what I should do, and yet I don’t actually do it.
At the rate I’m going, I’ll have to to rename this journal “Almost Weekly”. . . It’s this ridiculous Protestant work ethic. Whatever I’m doing has no value unless it’s gainful employment. One would think that by now I would have figured out how to turn that voice off, or at least convince it that taking small steps now toward my dreams will help me achieve gainful employment later. But, sadly, I haven’t figured out either, evidently. All day, every day, somebody else’s projects, somebody else’s words. I’m not complaining, much. It’s more that I’m frustrated with myself. I know, …
I don’t appear to be doing too well on the daily part of this journal. Interesting how I can become so caught up in finding approval and validation from outside myself that I actually end up sacrificing myself. Extremely strange dream. For the last year or so, I have had a thread pop up in my dreams: I’m in high school, and I know I have this English class, but I go so infrequently I can’t remember when the class meets or if anything is due. Somehow, this has only been mildly concerning. Last night, I dreamt I ran into …